she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
