It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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