when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
