Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
