My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
