is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
