she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
