My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
