I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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