he thought i was a dude.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
