Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
