I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
