There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
