my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
