If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
