I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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