all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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