I can tuck mytits in my pants
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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