Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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