no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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