Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
