I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I enjoy the company of your penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
