lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
