I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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