last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
