Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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