I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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