It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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