I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
