But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
