doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pants are for mortals
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
