Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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