i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
