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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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