Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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