I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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