I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
