just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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