it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize