okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
