Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
