He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
