Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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