dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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