Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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