They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You dont lie about slip and slides
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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