Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
