i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
