I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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