dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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