I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
