he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
