he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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