I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
