im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
