And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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