Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
