Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
