never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
