I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
