I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
