i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
