is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
