Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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