i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
