dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
