Pants 0. Shit 1.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
