if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
