I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
