Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i think i just lost a toe
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
