if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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