I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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