I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
