Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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