God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
