At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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